Walking the Fine Line Between Confidence and Arrogance

One of the great perks of my job is working with very smart individuals. During our coaching sessions I am always fascinated by their expertise and how they navigate complex issues.

Smart people who deliver results are typically very confident. Sometimes; however, very bright individuals with a proven record, can come across very strongly, either as opinionated or worse, arrogant. These are people who see such a clear and obvious path to a solution that they don’t consider other’s input.

When Confidence is Mistaken for Arrogance

One of my clients is a perfect example of this. He’s a PhD with great experience and is scientifically minded. In his view, with research and data, one can only reach certain conclusions. He’s amazing at his job and because of his expertise, he is very quick at resolving complex situations. Yet, he presents himself as almost too confident… more like he is arrogant. The speed and process for which he solves issues makes some people feel uneasy or intimidated. Even though he doesn’t mean to make others feel this way, his resolve is so strong and core to his personality that it’s affecting his opportunities at work.

This type of perceived arrogance causes a lot of workplace problems:

• People around him may distance themselves emotionally or isolate him from the team. This disconnect dramatically lowers the team performance as no one seeks my client’s proven expertise on issues. Even though the team might benefit from his wisdom, they are too afraid to seek it.
• Colleagues feel threatened and undervalued because they perceive whatever they say is never good enough. Feeling humiliated or belittled ensures they will not contribute their expertise to team efforts thus lowering the team potential output even further.
• Individuals like my client are worried they must change, dumb-down their answers, or walk on egg shells, trying to show their sensitivity. It’s exhausting and significantly affects their output, which leads to animosity within the team.
• A weak boss who cannot handle the drive, determination and the results that these personality types bring forward can feel threatened, become more confrontational and decrease his or her overall leadership effectiveness. Once again, the whole team is affected.

If you’re a fan of the TV show “The Big Bang Theory,” lead character Sheldon Cooper is a classic example of this type of personality. His persnickety “don’t tell me anything I don’t already know” perspective accentuates how he values the results much more than the journey needed to get there. He’d rather solve issues by himself than collaborate with individuals who don’t recognize his talents, drive and determination… infuriating everyone around him in the process.

So how can you manage these tendencies or manage someone like this?

1. Soften your Language. Use words that are less radical or moralistic. Avoid statements such as, “It needs to be done this way.” Or, “The way to go is this way… “ Instead, make suggestions which ask for input… “I suggest to do it this way.” Or, “I’m thinking this could work… what do you think?”
2. Validate Team-Wide Input.  Instead of always correcting the person, you might want to validate what they are saying, highlight what is potentially missing and either asking the person to fill in the blank or to suggest a solution.  “This is a great start, I like that you mentioned A,B and C. I think we are missing X and Y. How do you see resolving this?”
3. Authenticate the Value of Team Work. “Scientific” personalities, stick to the facts. Are they aware of the 33% factor? It is proven that you accomplish more as a team by 33% than if you do it individually. Yes, going the team route might take more time, but it’s worth it in the end.
4. Find another boss! If all else fails, you might need to find a new boss. Weaker managers are clearly uncomfortable with this dynamic because they believe they can’t manage people like my client. A good, strong boss can easily handle this type of personality by providing him with clear direction and a good understanding of the sandbox in which to play.

Theoretically, personalities like Sheldon Cooper can overcome their issues by being more humble, seeking out other’s perspectives, being more sociable and using approachable body language. From a practical perspective, however, these smart people see those “theories” as a total waste of their time. They know that the fastest route from A to B is a straight line and anything that doesn’t contribute to that line is not valuable. As a manger, it’s key to appeal to their sense of logic. If you’re the individual, you need to know that Emotional Intelligence plays a huge role in high performing teams—and your career progression.

Eventually my client concluded that the best way to deal with his situation was to fine-tune his language but still be as driven, convincing and confident. He is learning to soften his approach, to use different language and decrease his intensity when required.  He is bright, he will get it and be a fantastic leader!

I encourage you to spend a few minutes this week to consider on which side of the line you or your team members walk. Until then…

Be amazing!

Five Critical Rules Productive Leaders Can’t Ignore

This year’s flu epidemic has been one of the worst in recent memory for me. A large number of clients and friends endured its wrath, myself included. Many of us got sick over the Christmas holidays, and stayed sick for weeks. In talking with clients, and with my own personal flu experience, I uncovered five critical rules productive leaders cannot ignore.

A Lesson from Mother Nature

Sometimes I think the cold and flu season is mother nature’s way of showing us we need to slow down. 2012 was a very, very busy year for me. There were instances where I had to miss a family event or work on the weekend to plan or keep ahead of my deadlines. While I’m thankful for that success, I was exhausted when the Christmas holidays came and I really looked forward to relaxing with my family and friends. Instead, we had to postpone Christmas dinner and many other social activities while the family and I wrestled with the flu. My recovery took an unprecedented three weeks! Every time I felt good, I’d get back into my busy routine, only to relapse and get even sicker and further behind!

Working While Sick is NOT as Productive as You Think

Getting sick and being away from the office can have a significant toll on any leader. Yet not taking the time to get better and rushing back to work is not productive either. My recent flu struggles were quite the epiphany for me. My prolonged recovery forced me to realize I needed to change my ways if I wanted to get healthy again and remain that way. Even though I don’t like being sick and sitting idle, “sitting idle” was the remedy to get better. It was difficult to do, but I knew I needed to be at peace with that state of being—or risk a prolonged flu and potential hospitalization. Constantly working in overdrive and “just getting by” with acceptable health is not sustainable. We all need to slow down from time to time. While it took me three false starts to get to that “epiphany,” as soon as I changed my behaviour and got some rest, my health slowly improved.

Sickness has a huge impact on a leader’s overall performance. You can’t think clearly or stay on task. People might consider your judgment impaired. Plus, you lack the energy needed to get things done. Leaders are role models, and spreading sick germs around the office and infecting your staff is not a great way to build respect or encourage productivity.

Other factors can also affect a leader’s health and productivity. One of my clients was going through a very demanding executive position. He is the typical “Type A” personality. For six months he performed greatly with almost no sleep. Organizational priorities and emergencies made it so that he thought he needed to work extra hard, around 100 hours a week if not more. After six months of this regimen, guess where he ended up? In the hospital! Was that really efficient? In hindsight, this executive now knows the value of constant and steady! For 99% of the population, the concept of thriving on 5-6 hours/night is a false urban legend. Don’t count yourself in the 1%.

Big Dashan’s Updated Rules for Healthy Leaders

In the end, my “flu journey” was a valuable lesson. With this in mind, I’ve tweaked John C. Maxwell’s “Rules for Being Human” to create “Healthy Rules for Productive Leaders”:

Rule #1: You will learn lessons on how to be a healthy leader:
i) Get your sleep – sleep 7 to 8 hours and you’ll think better the next day.
ii) Eat well and be active – it’s your high-octane fuel.
iii) Stay at home when you are sick – you’ll get better, faster.
Rule #2: There are no magic cures – only lessons.
Rule #3: A lesson is repeated until it’s learned. You’ll get rundown and sick until you get it.
Rule #4: Learn the easy lessons or they get harder and you might end up in hospital.
Rule #5: You know you’ve learned a lesson when your actions change.

Good leaders will not ignore the above rules. The know they are more effective, make better decisions and can inspire greater confidence in others just by being healthy. As a leader, you owe it to yourself and your organization to be in “tip-top shape,” because if you wait too long, “life” may just sit you down and tell you it’s time to make changes. Ton Büchner, high-flying CEO of AkzoNobel, took a leave of absence in 2012 due to extreme fatigue. Kudos to a powerful leader like Mr. Büchner and his board for finding the strength and courage to stop resisting and start listening to life’s lessons! It will benefit his organization in the long run.

As you climb up the corporate ladder, maintaining your physical and mental well-being will have a tremendous influence on you, your business and your relationships. I encourage you to take five minutes to consider one thing you can do to improve your level of well-being in the next week. Until then… Be amazing!

– written by Ottawa-based executive coach, speaker and trainer, Denis Levesque. Denis holds a Bachelor of Commerce (U Ottawa), has obtained his Certified Executive Coach (Royal Roads U) and Professional Certified Coach (International Coaching Federation) designations, and is fluent in both English and French.